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Wednesday, July 08, 2009
i need a change.. 9:27 PM

How do you deal with the ghosts from your past?

You're trying to move on with your life.
You felt like you've moved on.
As soon as you think you have let go, it jumped right up in front of you.
And you're helpless.
And you still think about it.
And you still question about what went wrong.


It haunts, and it's scary as hell.

Thursday, June 04, 2009
LMAO 11:07 AM

This is not for the faint-hearted.

Not so pretty-boy now, is it?

Friday, May 15, 2009
Tears, Laughters, Excitements....Everything! 2:07 PM

Has anyone seen tv lately?

Now i would like to remind myself that i have been following up a couple of tv dramas and reality shows for the past couple of months and i am still loving/hating them. Bah, hate them when it has predictable outcomes but LOVE them for their entertainment value.

Ever since youtube, ppstream and kan kan xun lei have been introduced into my life, i'm in heaven! I haven't been worrying about downloading shows that i wanna watch into my lappie and fill up all my hardisk space. I'll just have to install a few softwares and open them up whenever i wanna search for any movie/shows to watch. Wonderful, amazing technologies. hmmm..

Here's a list of the shows that i have been watching..

Clockwise L-R: Prison Break, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes

And here's a list of the reality shows that i love/hate.

Clockwise L-R: MTV's The City, MTV's The Hills, America's Next Top Model.

Well, there's a couple more that i failed to find a picture but i don't mind mentioning it as well like The Fashion Show, Project Runway, Survivors etc. Phew.. I sure am making myself busy, am i not? Hee...

Thursday, May 14, 2009
Hello, nice to meet you, you 7:07 PM

I know there might not be any people who is Still checking in this passive blog once in a while but what the heck.

I have this sudden urge to say something and i am less-vocal than i have been since.....ever. So i've decided to blog about it, unless you don't think talking to myself is crazy. Yeah, the 'talking-to-myself' is happening again and altho i've promised myself that i would stop that crazy habit of mine, but i think i can't help myself. Sometimes a girl needs to be in her own world where it's comforting and familiar. Some place that she thinks it's the safest to say anything without having people to judge her. Some kind of a breather.


right now, i feel like i am buiding my possible future with someone whom i want there to be in my future. But how come it still doesn't feel right sometimes? It is me and my own little overprotected world that made me take things for granted and thinks that everything is gonna go away when you start looking at other things and everything's gonna be fine by the end of the day when you've forgotten about it?

i used to think that being with someone that constantly pulls you down and telling that everything you're doing is wrong and utterly immature is wrong. But when i think again, dig deeper into it, i know that it was all me, i am making life harder for myself. I am still wrapped up in my own little comforting fake world, that i don't see the things that are happening.

this is what i have concluded.

1. I have been very forgetful nonwadays - not that i am getting old or not using my brain cells (or maybe i am not) but it's because i tend to push unpleasant things/events into the back of my head and not acknowledging it until i forget about it. Till then i turn my focus to things that i liked. Not so mature, isn't it?

2. I like to stand up for myself when i am being accused/told that i'm wrong - erm, where do i start? I am capable of bursting my blood vessels everytime someone tells me that i am wrong, but i won't. Why? cos i would make myself believe that they are delusional and they are the ones who's wrong. BUT i won't tell them, i would just think that they have their own thoughts that i dun neccessarily have to agree with. Then i realise, i have always been like this and giving one excuses after another and you know what? this is not helping me be a better person, right? i guess my stubborness just adds a capital 'Y' in 'Yes'.

3. I am still a child - metaphorically of cos. No matter how many times i tell myself that i'm a grown up, i am still a little kid in me. Mentally and emotionally for that matter. (i looked 28 physically, so i've been told, many times) I have been shielded from countless of things in the past and i dun think i'll ever get that chance to go through the past again. i live in the present, so.......i should worry about what i should do now and not worry about what have i have not done or what i should have done in the past, right?

So, it's a pretty intense self-discovery if you'd ask me. But i had a feeling that there is so much more that i don't know about myself. 'Your boyfriend sometimes knows you better than you know yourself becos you are always together'. This saying is sooooo true in my case. HAH! i just made that up! LoL

Sunday, March 22, 2009
Previously on.... 4:32 PM

Ladies and gentlemen,

Good news!

I am still alive.

Heh, heh.

You know what? After my last post, i felt a little bit childish and unneccesary. I'm sorry guys if you felt like i was talking about you. To those of you whom have asked me about it, please.... relax.

I'm sorry but i felt kinda hilarious and ironic at the same time that some of you felt like i was talking about you when i'm not even sure whether the person that i'm talking about knows that i'm referring him.

But *sigh* After a while, i just let myself forget and buried the agitation that i felt then. It's so tiring to hold a grudge onto somebody that you cared for, ya know? Hehe. Maybe he don't realise this still, but i think i'm gonna confront him and apologise for my sake. AND ask for explanation from him, of cos.. :)

Oh, will be updating about my tioman trip when i have the right time and the right mood.

In the meantime, i'm gonna go and layan ppstream for now. Ta~

Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Betrayal.. 11:44 AM

Again, i felt like i have been deceived by one of my dearest friend.

If you don't want to come, just tell me.
Don't ever make up any excuses being busy of work and just forget that i am once your friend too.
The weird thing is, no matter how busy you are with work, no matter how limited your time is, you seemed to be no problem when it comes to your other 'friend'.
Do i need to remind you constantly that i'm still here?
Or i'm just a piece of puzzle in your past that don't matter anymore?

Wait, OH! I get it, maybe i'm not one of those who 'truly' understand your situation. Ok, so let's make an appointment, maybe i will make some of MY time to go and visit you instead? I've let it slide once, but i don't think i can this time. I can't becos i have nothing to feel anymore. I'm not THAT pissed off, like i didn't care any longer. Bah!

Ah, watever. Maybe i'm just over-reacting. Can't blame a girl for throwing a tantrum, no matter how ridiculous it may sound, can you?

The answer is, no, you can't.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Hot n Cold 12:06 PM

Today has been the perfect time to blog. I'll let u knoe the reason soon.

Has anyone notice the change of the weather recently or is it just in Melaka that the sun is glaring but the ray does not pierce through the skin or the 'chun feng' aka 'spring wind' (direct translation) is blowing like ice gliding across your skin? Imagine my frustration when i can't even enjoy my time at the mamak without having my teeth chattering against each other.


Spending most of my time in the shop haven't been a problem to me until recently. The air-con in the shop haven't beeen working this efficient until recently. I have no idea if it was due to the lack of people in the mall or because of the weather outside that made me shiver. What had it left me with? Jackets. And occasionally some tissue paper.

Patience, patience.

First, i lost my voice, then came the sore-throat. It must have been the worst kind of it becos it woke me up a couple of times during my sleep. My throat felt like it was getting scaled with a thousand needles everytime i swallow something. Each time, it was so painful, i had to clench my jaw together tightly. It was acted on impulse and my gum suffered the most. I tried almost everything from drinking lots of water to strepsils to chewing raw cucumber with salt. I didn't consult a doctor immediately becos i didn't want to have more antibiotics into my body for small matters like the influenza. So i tot i could bear thru the pain for just a few days more until the bacteria retreat with my own antibody. THEN the coughs join the parade and my throat just went crazy. Lastly i HAD to pay the doc a visit and spend an amount of money for medicine that i already had and advice that i already knew.

Patience, patience, patience, i say.

Now that the conditions are getting better - the wind is still strong but i wasn't staying out late anymore, i'm not shivering in the shop anymore, the antibody is slowly triumphing over the influenza - i'm feeling better. But the reason why today is a good day to blog is . . . .

1. i feel like blogging
2. i have been in the shoe of the dumb (=vocal loss) person for a couple of days where i have to use my hands to communicate with other people. I'm glad that he's good at lips reading. And blogging? It makes me feel less vulnerable.

So, it just made me feel so awesome and grateful to be normal again, to hear my own voice again. I swear there was a time where i freaked myself out thinking that i'll lost my voice forever.